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January 11, 2010

Keanu Reeves wins weird & wacky paternity suit

Did you know that Keanu Reeves is a shape-shifting hypnotist who has the power to make all of the rest of us think he's just a wooden actor with very little talent?  But really he's fathered four kids by a Canadian woman and then left them all destitute?

I didn't know that either (well, I did know the "wooden actor with very little talent" part).  But that's what Karen Sala, a Canadian woman who claimed that she had a long-standing sexual relationship with Reeves and had four kids with him, has claimed.  This lawsuit has just been thrown out by the judge in the case, but not before Reeves took a DNA test to prove he wasn't the father.

But that wasn't good enough for Sala.

She claimed that Reeves used hypnosis to tamper with the result!  She demanded a second test, which Reeves' lawyer turned down flat.

Here's the basics of Sala's claim, for which she was seeking $3 million:

1) They had a sexual relationship before, during, and after her marriage, with Reeves' often appearing as her ex-husband so that he could "secretly cohabitate with Sala and be present at the births of her children".  She refuses to produce her children's birth certficates or have her ex take a paternity test as well (why do I feel like this belongs on the Maury Povich show?).

2) She claims that she's known Reeves since she was 4 years old because he lived down the street from her.  She knew him as "Marty Spencer"

3) The hypnosis thing that would explain the altered DNA test.

Now, there is clearly something wrong with this woman, and I feel sorry for her that she's this bad off, with four kids and an ex-husband (we don't know what kind of relationship she has with the ex-husband, but the fact that she's constantly claiming he's really Keanu Reaves can't be good).

On the other hand, how could a judge even let this go to the point of Reeves taking a DNA test in the first place?  I know he volunteered to do it, so maybe he volunteered before it even reached the point of a paternity suit to begin with.  I don't know.  But this woman is obviously delusional, and as soon as shape-shifting is brought into a case, the case should immediately be thrown out.  I'm happy for Reeves that this is over, but should it have reached this far to begin with?

I'd be willing to believe that Reeves is an alien from the planet of Wood, though.

5 comments:

  1. Oh goodness! This is so funny yet weird and strange. People never cease to amaze me...I hope this woman gets the help that she seems to need.

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  2. I really hope so. I feel sad for her, but it is also funny in a weird way. Late-night comic fodder, I'm sure.

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  3. I agree - you can't help but see the thread of both humor and sadness w/ the whole mess. The ones I really feel for are her children. They're going to have many challenges being raised by someone with the obvious emotional/mental issues their Mom has. Funny little fact - my big brother strongly resembles Keanu Reeves!

    ~ Dawn

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  5. Thanks, Jet!! And thanks for your comment too, Dawn.

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