Hello, dear reader. I have a favour to ask you. The original post begins after all of the asterisks, if you want to skip this.
Now that the One Hit Wonders of the 90s series is over, I'm not going to be doing my weekly revisiting of all these posts (I had to do that to add the new post to the bottom). Thus, I won't be able to catch any broken picture links or deleted videos any more. Yet I want these posts to be as good as possible.
Please, if you happen upon one of these posts, or if you take a walk through a whole bunch of them, let me know if you find anything that doesn't work. You can leave a comment, or you can send me a message using that handy "Contact Me" page linked above.
Also, feel free to let me know what you think of the post or any of the videos!
There's no problem in this world that can't be solved by the creative application of zombies to the resolution of it. Nuclear war? Make sure you're underground and you have an army of zombies at your beck and call for when humanity can return to the surface. Zombies are resistant to radiation!
Joey's not doing well in school? Have zombies hovering over him when he's doing his homework! If the choice is either getting an A on your Chemistry test or having your brain eaten, you know Joey will make the right choice! Unless he's truly stupid, in which case it's probably for the best that he will fall to the zombie horde.
Painful Rectal Itch? (Or is that "Mangled Baby Ducks?") Um, well, ok, I guess there are *some* things that zombies can't help with. But scientists are working on it! (and 1 million Quatloos to whoever gets that reference)
May is Zombie Awareness Month, and I know I'm truly aware of them. I'm aware that they will be coming for me first because there is just too much intelligent, juicy goodness in my brain for them to resist. And you know what they'll enjoy most in the feast on my brain, right?
That's right, the massive collection of one-hit wonders I've been presenting you with! (Wow, bet you didn't see that coming)
Yes, it is Sunday (Zombie Sunday), so it is time for yet another edition of the seemingly endless collection of posts on the one-hit wonders of the 90s. We've now reached 1993 now. I was out on my own, living it up in Chicago and generally making a nuisance of myself. And so were these wonders of the one-hit variety! They were just really, really annoying, weren't they?
As usual, you can find the list I'm taking these from here. But don't do that. You don't want this to happen.
Oh, and why not a Mother's Day edition? It's just not that funny. Unless your mom's a zombie. Then you've got worse problems than I do!
1) Mad Cobra: "Flex" (#13)
I like a man who's up front about what he wants. Is that a Jamaican thing? Maybe you single women can tell me if anybody has been this forward with you. And how did you respond? The scenery is truly beautiful in this video; maybe Mad Cobra is a product of the Jamaican Tourist Board? And how can you not like Jamaican rap?
Ok, actually that last one is pretty easy. This song is pure crap. But it's well-intentioned crap. And at least it looks like it might be safe from the coming zombie hordes. Or at least you could probably smell them coming.
2) Dan Baird: "I Love You Period" (#26)
The Georgia Satellites were one-hit wonders, so why not their lead singer in his solo career? I had some teachers in high school like the ones he's talking about. Mrs. Cleaver? Mmmmm. And who can't enjoy a love song about punctuation?
I actually really like this song. It's fun, some great southern guitar work and some funny lyrics. Yeah, Baird's feet could feature less-prominently in the video, but you take what you're given. It's like the Satellites. Kinda stupid, but enjoyable to listen to.
Oh, and who could have forgotten our lovely English teacher, Mrs. Sumner? She was a zombie and a half, I'll tell you. The curve of her jawline (when it wasn't falling off) and the bright redness of her full lips (that was strawberry juice on her mouth and chin, right?) just made her the fantasy of most red-blooded high school males.
3) The S.O.U.L. S.Y.S.T.E.M: "It's Gonna Be a Lovely Day" (#34)
Some really nice eye candy in this video, but the song? It's actually putting me to sleep for the most part. I think I'm doomed to have "Lovely Day" going through my mind for the next week, though. Do you think they said it enough? This song is supposed to make you feel like you're on a sun-drenched beach enjoying the company of other like-minded people, watching the surf roll in and the other people frolicking around. It just makes me want to curl up inside and listen to one-hit wonder videos. I don't think that's what they wanted.
I'm sensing a theme of white bikinis in this first set of songs, though. Aren't you? Personally, I don't think zombies look good in bikinis. They're all skin and bones, which just does not present itself to exposing too much flesh (or bone).
4) Lo-Key: "I Got a Thang 4 Ya!" (#27)
And 1993 gets its first Boyz II Men wannabees!!! Wow, only took until February.
"My Lemon Drop. My Lollipop. Girl, Candy must be your name." Um, ok. "Sweetness is my weakness?" If they got any more corny, they'd have to move to Iowa. (HA! Iowa jokes! I've got a million of 'em) Looks like the lead singer is the only guy getting the girl in this one. Nice of his bandmates to back him up on this.
Another forgettable song, though I guess it's not too bad. In a bland, "been there, done that" kind of way.
Hopefully the zombie hordes go for these guys first.
5) Portrait: "Here We Go Again!" (#11)
You know, maybe it's my mood, but this song honestly doesn't bug me. I thought it would when it first started, but it's kind of growing on me. Sure, it's kind of repetitive, and the music kind of makes me want to scratch my ears off, but in a good way! It's not something I'm actively looking to turn off.
Yes, they should hire me as their PR guy.
Sadly, Portrait disappeared in the Great Zombie Uprising of 2006, after the release of their CD "Share the Love." They will be missed, but zombie spokesman Patches McGee stated that "their brains were very tasty."
6) Boy Krazy: "That's What Love Can Do" (#18)
I'm suddenly getting very dizzy. I really want to go to a diner like that, where everything's moving from side to side and turning around. It can bring that cheezy ambiance to any intimate meal with your significant other.
This song isn't too bad, though it's incredibly vanilla and kind of boring. Very repetitive too. In the video age, it helps that they're all hot, but that can't save the song from getting mired in a mass of mediocrity.
Maybe the addition of zombies to the video would have livened things up?
7) Digable Planets: "Rebirth of Slick (Cool Like Dat)" (#15)
Ok, was 1993 the high point of Caribbean rap? This is the second one in just two months! Sadly, this one doesn't have the style and grace of Mad Cobra. It's just really annoying. So annoying that my ear buds are jumping out of my ears in fear! Or pain, I'm not sure.
Kind of like this guy.
Or, you know, it could be that bloody monster baby thing that's making him scream. And you thought *you* had childbirth issues!
Anyway, the Zombie Appreciation Paternity (ZAP!) would like you to know that they had nothing to do with this song. They may want to take over the world and turn every living human being into their own undead playthings.
But even they have standards.
8) Positive K: "I Got a Man" (#14)
I love the little weight props she's got in this video. Who else was hoping she'd bonk him on the head with one of those? I'll say one thing for this guy: he's persistent. Persistently irritating, but persistent.
This is actually kind of a fun song, if you can get past the fact that it's a rap. It's not Beethoven, and it's certainly not Kenny G, but it's entertaining. Once.
I still think she should have hit him, though.
If you look really closely in the background of those club scenes, you'll see the zombies from the "Thriller" video dancing way off in the distance. I like that kind of continuity. That means Positive K will not be one of the first eaten. Besides, they like a little substance to their brains anyway, and you certainly aren't going to find that in this video!
And there you have it. The Great Zombie edition of the one-hit wonders of the 90s. I'd like to thank my colleague, Shambles, for his input as well. He really is an awesome guy, but he falls to pieces at the sound of a chainsaw. He really should get that looked at.
Until next week, I will go back to my usual daily activity.
No wonder my face hurts every morning.
Note: Many thanks to the great Konami game, Zombie Apocalypse, for inspiring the theme of this week's post (and giving me a great title to swipe as my own, too).
One-Hit Wonders of the 90s