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May 16, 2010

One Hit Wonders of the 90s (Part 14) - Alien Invasion Edition

Hello, dear reader. I have a favour to ask you. The original post begins after all of the asterisks, if you want to skip this.

Now that the One Hit Wonders of the 90s series is over, I'm not going to be doing my weekly revisiting of all these posts (I had to do that to add the new post to the bottom). Thus, I won't be able to catch any broken picture links or deleted videos any more. Yet I want these posts to be as good as possible.

Please, if you happen upon one of these posts, or if you take a walk through a whole bunch of them, let me know if you find anything that doesn't work. You can leave a comment, or you can send me a message using that handy "Contact Me" page linked above.

Also, feel free to let me know what you think of the post or any of the videos!

Thank you.


Do you know what the biggest danger to our world is currently? No, not the Economy or the fact that Brittany Spears reproduced.

It's alien invasion! That's right. The world is in imminent danger of some alien force taking over our planet and stealing our women for some vast reproduction plot. Either that, or just because they're so hot, one of the two. Or maybe there's more than one alien force and they're going to fight over us for our resources and trying to recruit us to fight in their godsforsaken war on some distant alien planet!

We've got to fight back!

Or maybe we just need to start issuing them parking tickets.

You know how I'm going to fight back against our eventual alien overlords? That's right, I'm going to make them go insane with one-hit wonders! When the Visitor leader Anna comes down to our planet, I'm going to ask her to sit down and read these blog entries. They will ultimately go home because we are of no use to them, the signs of intelligence that they had picked up and been attracted to obviously just a "false positive" on their "Intello-meter".

Of course, I have to continue to build up my arsenal (not to mention my arse), so here's the latest edition!

As usual, you can find the master list here. But if you check them out before I'm done, I shall be very cross with you!

Let's begin!

1) Paperboy: "Ditty" (#10)

I'm having trouble understanding the point of this song. But I did hear "cookies" in there, so it must be good! A guy after my own heart. Or gut level. So is this really a rap video?

Beautiful girls dancing around in almost no clothes? Check
Man talking about scoring with beautiful girls, whether or not it's the same girls in the video? Check
Rapper talking about the act of making this song? Check
My brain hurting? Check

Yep, it's a rap video.

Ok, it's got a cow ass in it. That's different.

Still no better, though.

That little "get together" Paperboy's singing at looks like a perfect spot for a face-hugger alien to show up.

2) Men at Large: "So Alone" (#31)

(This can *not* be the radio edit, but it's the only one I could find).

Yay, it's not rap!

It's not a bad song, but it is freakin' long! Wow, seven minutes? I wish I could find the radio edit to see what people were actually listening to.

It sounds like the woman left the guy, but when you really look at the lyrics from just a little bit off center, she might have died, too. Or went out for cigarettes. (Or is that only guys?)

It's amazing what can go through your mind when you're sitting here listening for 7 MINUTES.

Did I mention that this song is 7 minutes? Because I wouldn't want there to be any surprise in this.

It was a sad but good song for the first 4 minutes or so. Then it became a sad and annoying song. If he talked like this to her, no wonder she left! She wanted to get a word in edgewise.

Maye we should get these guys to sing when the aliens arrive. They'd get bored and leave, and Men at Large would have saved humanity!

3) Sunscreem: "Love U More" (#36)

Awww, isn't that cute? They were using "textspeak" before it became so common! Sunscreem are just so cutting edge!

"Let the sky fall down. Let the leaves turn brown. Still, you know you can never make me love you more." Are those positive things? Redwoods dying? Is he trying to impress her with these things?

"You could become a multiple murderer and you know I won't love you any more than I already do, dear."

Isn't it wonderful when love songs don't make sense?

It's kind of a catchy tune for the dance clubs, though, isn't it? Nice driving drum beat and synthesizers. You can't go wrong with synthesizers, you know.

At least that's what Klaatu always tells me. No, not the icky Keanu Reeves version, either. The one that can act.

4) Joey Lawrence: "Nothing My Love Can't Fix" (#19)

A bare-chested Joey Lawrence! Oh, isn't he dreamy? *SCREAMS*

I know if I was playing beach football with a bunch of beautiful women, I'd let them sack me too.

*sigh* Another teen hearthrob that they decide to foist on us in the music scene too. Write him an extremely corny song, take off his shirt, and watch the girls go wild. Once. After they hear him sing, they decide "maybe he's not that much of a hearthrob, eh?"

Seriously, it's a shame Mayim Bialik got shunted to the sidelines on her own show, "Blossom," for this guy. She should be recognized more for her work in it.

I think Anna would agree.

5) Tasmin Archer: "Sleeping Satellite" (#32)

Wow, a song I remember! (I've blocked Joey Lawrence from my memory)

I love the guy playing the cobwebbed keyboard, though they really should dust the studio a little bit before they shoot a video there. Who knows what's crawling around in there! And that other guy looks too old to be in one of these videos. Surely he's earned his retirement by now?

It's really a beautiful song, and Archer has a great voice, but what the hell is she talking about?

I have no clue. So I guess I'll just glory in listening to her instead.

By the way, Mork says that the Moon is wide awake, and Archer doesn't really know what she's talking about either.


6) Robin S: "Show Me Love" (#5)

Woohoo! Dance music! I'm ready to get my toe tapping. And the rest of me jiggling (that's so attractive, isn't it?)

I hear ya sister! Don't just tell me you love me. You gotta show me! Because words are too easy to say.

Or you could just buy me a corvette.

This is why women commiserate with me. I'm so understanding.

Amazingly enough, I actually like this song. Robin's got a great voice and the song's got a great beat too. I could see myself dancing to this stuff. In fact, I did a bit, if I remember correctly.

That stopped when I danced with these lovely ladies.

That kinda put me off dance clubs for good.

7) Green Jelly: "Three Little Pigs" (#17)

Why does reading the name of this band and song give me the willies?

Oh, that's why.

Oh. My. F***ing. God. This just makes my ears hurt.

This song actually charted? I could see it on the Heavy Metal charts or something, but the Billboard Top 40?

I am shocked. And awed. And turning this shit off.

And the Independence Day aliens wasted their death rays on the White House, when they could hit the Green Jello studios? Tsk tsk.

8) Captain Hollywood Project: "More and More" (#17)

80s flashback!!! I know I'm having one, are you? Ok, they added a bit of "rap" to it, but that's ok! The music is funky, but I hate it when dance music tries to be "relevant." I guess that's a sign of the 90s.

*sigh* My 80s flashback is broken.

Ok, it's back. But now I'm blind. Was it worth it?

Speaking of which, Alf really liked this song too, but he also complained about the words.

And that there weren't any cats in it.

One track mind, that guy has.

So there you have it! Another edition of the One Hit Wonders of the 90s is in the books. I'd like to thank my co-editor, Mr. Brain, for his assistance as well. But I won't.

Does he need an even bigger head?

And thanks to you, the reader, for making these posts so successful. I couldn't do it without you.

Now it's time for me to run.

Ouch. Who put that glass there?

Note: This "alien invasion" edition is in honour of the show V, the season finale for which is airing this Tuesday. One of the few shows we watch here at the Roy household, despite Scott Wolf being a horrible actor.

One-Hit Wonders of the 90s
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10
Part 11
Part 12
Part 13
Part 14
Part 15
Part 16
Part 17
Part 18
Part 19
Part 20
Part 21
Part 22
Part 23
Part 24
Part 25
Part 26
Part 27
Part 28
Part 29
Part 30
Part 31
Part 32
Part 33
Part 34
Part 35
Part 36
Part 37
Part 38
Part 39
Part 40


  1. Your dad came home in the middle of these songs & wanted to know what the heck I was listening to. Guess he wasn't terribly impressed. Number 2 was kind of pretty but way to long. Number 4 I thought the guy was kind of cute even with his shirt off. Number 5 she had a good voice. Some of these songs aren't to bad if you don't watch the video. They all stink & most of the time they make no sense.(at least to me) Can't believe you liked Robin's voice. It just grated on the ears. At least I think this weeks songs were better then last week. If I remember right I didn't comment last week because there was nothing good to say. So guess you did improve this week. Keep them coming.

  2. I improved? Wow, thank you so much! :P

    You probably liked Joey Lawrence back in the day, too, even if you didn't know he was singing.

  3. First zombies, now aliens? What have you been smoking? lol jk!

    I remember the following:
    #1 - I used to listen to this all the time in elementary lol
    #4 - Oh Joey! <3 hehe
    #6 - I used to love this one!
    #8 - I used to this one too!

    You know how many times my browser crashes as I go through your One-Hit Wonders posts?!? Call me a dedicated fan! Now give me a cookie! :)

  4. Here's a cookie!!!! Thank you for your perseverance. Sorry it keeps crashing, though.

    The zombie theme was so fun that I thought I would keep the "theme" idea going. We'll see if I can come up with something good this week.

  5. Umm it would be nice if you didn't burn the cookie next time. =P Well it's not technically your fault that it crashes but I manage to get through it, guess that's what matters!

    Werewolves, vampires, leprechauns, fairies, big foot, Loch Ness Monster...endless theme possibilities! ;)

  6. I burn everything. That's why I don't cook!

    I'm sure I'll be able to come up with some kind of theme...


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