Because that would truly suck.
May all of your hopes and dreams come true.
Well, maybe not *all* of them (that looks damned uncomfortable, and you really should be ashamed of yourself).
Me? Well, I plan to continue to be the most benevolent boss in the world.
Yes, that's right! Reduced price bus tickets so they can come into work. And I've even requested that the buses run later, since I don't let them go until 2am.
Because that's just the kind of guy I am.
So welcome to a brand new year of one-hit wonders!!! I aim to keep the same quality of humour that you've all come to love and enjoy ("Wait, I thought you wanted to *increase* readership, not decrease it" - The Peanut Gallery).
We're entering 2001 now, and full steam ahead! You can find the list I'm taking these from here.
Don't say I didn't warn you if you go look ahead. You never know what will be waiting for you.
Here we go!
1) Debelah Morgan: "Dance With Me" (#8) (January 6, 2001)
What a hot way to start 2001! A great dance song that's not hard on the ears. Is that a first, or what? It's fitting that this song peaked the week of New Year's Eve, since I'm sure there was lots of dancing (and other stuff) going on that week.
The dance partner stealing going on is kind of confusing, though. Were there people crashing the video shoot?
"Get out of here! We're making a video! Leave my star alone!" I can hear the director shouting right now.
Of course, that could just be my fevered imagination. It is New Year's weekend, after all.
What was in that hootch I was drinking?
2) Mikaila: "So In Love With Two" (#25) (January 6, 2001)
Ok, let me get this straight. This girl is 14 years old (at the time of the song), and she's in love with two guys, not being able to make up her mind. In the video, she's staring at the camera like it's a third guy she's got her eye on, shot super-provocatively, with her eyes just daring the viewer to lust after her. With guys pawing all over her in the video.
What the hell is wrong with this picture???????
Pertaining to the song itself, just what we need: another ode to indecision when it comes to love. And the selfishness of not *making* the decision, but instead trying to have it all.
Hmmmm. I wonder why Mikaila may be having this problem.
MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE 14 YEARS OLD!!!!!!
You're welcome for that bit of insight.
3)Fuel: "Hemorrhage (In My Hands)" (#30) (January 20, 2001)
(Yay, Vevo!!!)
"Don't you remember anything I said?" Hey, maybe she just couldn't understand a word you said, Mr. Lead Singer! You ever think of that? Try to enunciate.
Yeah, so even a dog can understand.
Nice of them to let the drummer do the dramatic stuff in the video.
And what's with that ending? It was all a dream? A fake? Her twin sister coming to mess with his mind?
Seriously, the lead singer needs to dial down the intensity a little, or he's going to pop a blood vessel.
Which might actually be a cool stage trick. Ozzy Osborne, eat your heart out.
4) Evan & Jaron: "Crazy For This Girl" (#15) (March 3, 2001)
Oh, great! A Dawson's Creek song/video! My day has just been made.
And I have to ask these guys: What the hell are you talking about? You've got groupies! They come up to you in bars, grab their fathers' guitars so you can play a song or two in the bar, and I'm sure they go home with you afterwards, if you want them to.
And you can't tell this girl you're crazy about her? I think you've got more serious problems than having an annoying one-hit wonder.
Am I the only one who finds this wild reaction to them playing at the bar, with women all calling their friends, saying "Get on down here! Evan & Jaron are playing!!!!!" (with the "&" symbol and everything, because they speak Greek, don't ya know) as truly ironic considering hardly anybody ever liked any of their other songs? (Checks Wikipedia quickly just to make sure they didn't disappear because one of them died or something...whew! They didn't. Just their careers).
That being said, one of the two (do we care which?) has started a reasonably successful Country career recently, so more power to him!
At least I don't have to listen to him.
5) ATC: "Around the World (La La La La La)" (#33) (March 3, 2001)
I actually remember this song!!! I'm not sure if that's a good thing or bad thing.
Maybe it's just me, but aren't these rooms usually padded? Or are they being studied?
Actually, I think ATC is probably a sinister government experiment in mind control.
No, not on these four "singers." But on the rest of us. Does constant word repetition insidiously work itself into the brain until it becomes mush? Easily controlled? We need somebody to look into this.
No no no no. Not him! He's too expensive.
We need this guy.
Once he gets untangled and everything.
6) Crazy Town: "Butterfly" (#1) (March 24, 2001)
(Yay, Vevo!!!)
Wow, a #1 song that's a one-hit wonder? This is almost unheard of! Sadly, not totally.
And I think it's well-deserved in this case. No, not the #1 ranking. The song sucks. I'm talking about their one-hit wonder status.
I can tell you one thing: there are more piercings in this video than there are M&Ms in a Costco box of M&Ms.
You know that's a lot!!! They're pretty ugly, too. And what's with the underwear? Belts will help you not show the top of it.
Did that just solidify my old curmudgeon credentials?
I think it did.
I just sat through that entire song, and I feel my IQ has dropped 50 points.
I can't afford that! See what I go through for you?
7) Eden's Crush: "Get Over Yourself" (#8) (March 31, 2001)
What a video!!!!! Whew! I'm sweating right now, that's for sure.
Wait, are they singing too? I didn't notice.
Yeah, I always have guy parties where they come over just to watch hot women dance. Oh, for my single days. We knew how to have fun!
And with Eden's Crush, we enter the era of TV-produced musical acts, as they are graduates of the WB series "Popstars". I know I can't wait to find all of the American Idol rejects in the one-hit wonder soup! For every Kelly Clarkson or Clay Aiken, there's....well, somebody who I'm sure had one hit and then disappeared.
And so we end the first quarter of 2001. So far, not so good. A couple of dance hits, a really, really bad song that's really kind of a rap but has discovered a level of suckitude all its own (and people actually *liked* it? Really? What's up with that? Well, I guess it is what it is) and a couple of really bad pop songs.
Hopefully the rest of the year won't be this bad. But we'll persevere regardless! Hey man (and woman), I'm here for you.
I'll get you through this. Because I'm just the sensitive type that helps with these things.
And I'm totally not trying to get into your pants.
I will save you from these bad videos!!!
Body armor is a must.
So now it's time for me to start my day. I'm trying out my new idea.
*sigh* That never happened to Allen Funt or Ashton Kutcher.
One Hit Wonders of the 2000s
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10
Part 11
Part 12
Part 13
Part 14
Part 15
Part 16
Part 17
Part 18
Part 19
Part 20
Part 21
Part 22
Part 23
Part 24
Part 25
Part 26
Part 27
Part 28
Part 29
Part 30
Part 31
Posts
That internet warrior picture... I think that just might be Demon's alternate form.
ReplyDeleteI don't think even Demon would look *that* geeky.
ReplyDeleteI'd picture somebody looking much tougher. Like somebody who would put you in his mouth, chew for a bit, and then spit nails back out at the bad guys.
Not the best week I've heard. I was disappointed with number 1 song. We couldn;t hear it at all. What happened? Some had a good beat but that's about all you could say about them. Better luck next week.
ReplyDeleteAh, but that's the real Demon. This is his alternate, hard corps interwebs form.
ReplyDelete@Mom: YOU were disappointed at the #1 song? Imagine my feelings! I about had to wash my eyes out with soap.
ReplyDelete@Carson: You mean the real one isn't hard corps (I think you mean "core") enough for you? He has to be worse? And geeky, too? :P
I suppose you're right... And no, I meant corps. Recently I have started spelling hard core with "corps". For obvious reasons, of course. I know, I know... This alternate spelling is undeniably awesome...
ReplyDeleteI remember #1, 3, 4 (vaguely), & 5. The video for #6 said it was blocked in my country, but just from the artist & title, don't think I know that one.
ReplyDeleteWhat on earth was going on in #2?!? Where were her parents?!?
That is a very good question. Glad I'm not the only one to find that a bit icky.
ReplyDeleteand you couldn't listen to "Butterfly?" That's probably a good thing (though that's a Vevo video, so I have no idea why you wouldn't be able to see it).