When one-hit wonders are no more, what use is a company devoted to one-hit wonders? And even worse, what will the interns do for a job when we're done here?
Should they start a car wash fund-raiser?
(Thanks to Squidoo)
They appear to be a bit unclear on the concept, both in location and the fact that you don't make money in a car wash without boobs!
So really, they're a bit too...I don't want to say anything bad, but "stupid" to really make it on their own.
I really am a benevolent master...I mean, CEO, you know. I even provide benefits!
(Thanks to Nelson Carpenter)
Just look at the fun they're having during their 15 minute lunch. Though you know, they really should spend that time eating, since eating at your desk isn't allowed.
Anyway, we'll have this place shipshape in no time, since the end of days is coming fast!
In the meantime, we have a decade to finish! Welcome to the one-hit wonders of the 2000s. We're entering 2009, and I have a sense of foreboding, a rock-hard pit in my stomach, wondering what this final year will hold for us.
Or that could be the 20 cupcakes I had at 2:00 am this morning.
As usual, you can find the list of songs here.
Don't get ahead of me and go look, though. Or my staff may have to "deal" with you.
(Thanks to Coding in Paradise)
And no, you're not the one with the stick.
Here we go!
1) Ron Browz: "Pop Champagne" (#22) (January 3, 2009)
Y'know, Rap is bad enough, but Autotuned Rap? Here I was, having a nice, calm, peaceful Sunday morning, the type of Sunday morning that even the most religious person would envy.
And then this happens?
It's making me want to go nuts. I'm going to have get up out of my chair, go outside, and stand on the street corner ranting about this.
Just let me get my hat.
Ok, I'm ready. The streets of Vancouver will shudder in fear once I've started.
You think I should actually wear pants with this thing?
2) The Veronicas: "Untouched" (#17) (February 7, 2009)
THIS ONE AUTO-STARTS - YOU MIGHT WANT TO STOP IT UNTIL YOU'RE READY FOR IT
Yay! More electronic cra...I mean, goodness!!!!! Put that together with the most imaginative lyrics I've ever heard in a pop song, bar none (Sting's got nothing on these ladies for introspection), and you've got a real winner of a song! I'm surprised they didn't win a Grammy for this one.
I really am.
(Thanks to Rickyzwalters)
Whoops! I guess I laid it on a bit too thick there.
3) A.R. Rahman: "Jai Ho (You Are My Destiny)" (#15) (March 5, 2009)
This song is from the wildly successful film, Slumdog Millionaire, and the song is composed by A.R. Rahman, one of the most successful film composers ever.
However, the version that charted in the States (that's the video I've embedded) was performed by the Pussycat Dolls (with cameos by Rahman), who are decidedly *not* one-hit wonders (though some would argue they should be).
(Thanks to Focus Human Performance)
Yeah, me too. So how's the song?
I am really getting tired of electronic voice augmentation. Our entire music industry seems to be heading into an altered state that we might not be able to get out of. This could be our #1 artist in the year 2015.
(Thanks to Memory Alpha)
Though I've heard she's got the moves.
4) Maino: "All of the Above" (#39) (March 21, 2009)
(This is the extended version)
Can I just let out a scream now, or do I have to wait?
Another Autotune masterpiece!! Looking at the comments on the song, it sounds like the guy's story is quite poignant. But I can't get past the combination of Rap and the electronic changes to his voice!
It is literally drilling a hole in my eardrum.
Yes, I do mean "literally." Here's what it's using.
(Thanks to UberReview)
Tim Taylor would be envious.
5) Asher Roth: "I Love College" (#12) (April 11, 2009)
Ummmm....is it too late to take back everything I said above? This guy could use a little augmentation.
Maybe take it to such a high pitch that we can't hear it?
That would be a good start.
Though I do feel sorry for the dogs, in that case.
(Thanks to Jackson Riley)
Yeah, it's either you or us, pal.
6)Shinedown: "Second Chance" (#7) (June 20, 2009)
(sorry for the audio quality - best I could find that was able to be embedded)
Can it be? Am I hearing this correctly?
Why yes, it's a NORMAL SONG! I don't believe it!
It's already the best song I've heard today, just by default.
And it's actually not a bad song in its own right, either. A bit poignant, some good guitar riffs, and lots of beach screaming.
Because you know who really likes songs with lots of beach screaming.
*points thumbs at me*
(Thanks to Hot Glove)
7) Kristinia DeBarge: "Goodbye" (#15) (June 20, 2009)
Oh no! Poor guy. It's the "5 Sister Dance Send-Off" way of breaking up with a guy.
That can be so intimidating! The guy wants to beg and plead for her to take her back, but she's got all of those "friends" there.
I'll bet they're hired dancers or something. She's too shy to break up with him by herself, so she hired some people.
That's how I'd do it.
Good thing she waited until she was 19 to do this video, too. Wouldn't want any inappropriate lusting or anything.
(Thanks to ECSB Insider)
Yeah, you heard what I'm saying.
And that's a wrap for part one of 2009! Be here next week, for the ultimate conclusion (yes, I'm a redundant fellow, why do you ask?) of the one-hit wonders!!!
And then, be ready for a re-invention so vast, so startling, that people are already starting to panic.
This will be so mind-bending that...well, that I haven't thought of it yet.
How big of a celebration will it be?
It's a Big One
Or, you know, maybe it will just be low-key.
Anyway, that's next week. In the meantime, it's time to start my day.
I swear they switched doors while I wasn't looking.
One Hit Wonders of the 2000s