I'm sensing something ominous in the air. Something just doesn't feel right. I look around, feeling a palpable sense of unease. I'm nervous now. Too scared to stop typing, because I know that if I do, it will finally have the power to get me. I feel it behind me...I hesitantly look back over my shoulder.
OH NO!!!! IT'S HIDEOUS!!!!! *GIRLIE SCREAM*
No, wait. That's not it.
It's actually because we're on lucky #13! Yes, episode 13 of the one-hit wonders of the 2000s. I feel a sense of pure evil watching over me
Or maybe that was the overdose of Wheat Thins that I had last night.
Anyway, onward and upward!!!! This is your weakly dose of bad music and bad jokes (hopefully the music's worse than the jokes, and you would tell me if I sucked, right? Don't answer that) that will set your soul on fire and give you that little tingly feeling all over.
No, the OTHER tingly feeling, not that nasty rash.
As usual, you can find the list I'm taking these from here, but don't you dare jump ahead of me! Or this will be me.
Here we go!
1) The Ataris: "The Boys of Summer" (#20) (September 20, 2003)
A rockin' remake of a Don Henley song!
I've never actually understood this song, to be honest. "My love for you will still be strong. After the boys of summer have gone." I assume they're talking about a Summer romance? But what about the other boys? Are they all competing for her affection? And are these guys just feeding her a line so she'll sleep with them?
Gotta love a band that names itself after a video game company.
I love the music in this song, that hard-driving rock beat actually appeals to me more than the Henley version. It's just too bad that there has to be singing in it too, as that could stand a little work.
Looking at the band's Wikipedia page, it looks like they've suffered more turnover than Paris Hilton's bedroom, but they're still going strong!
2) Marques Houston: "Clubbin" (#39) (November 1, 2003)
Watch how Houston peeks into the Top 40 room, decides he doesn't like the atmosphere, and quickly buggers off.
Nice beat! And I've never wanted to be a guitar more in my life. *swooon*
Like how I make jokes referencing the video, almost forcing you to watch it?
No!! I didn't mean it!!!
Oh, please, don't kill us! Please, please don't kill us! You know I love you baby. I wouldn't leave ya. It wasn't my fault! Honest... I ran out of gas. I... I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!
And here ends the contest segment of the one-hit wonders of the 2000s...2 million Quatloos to whoever comments with which movie this is from.
Where am I getting them from? Oh, a very reliable source.
The song? Eh.
3) Trapt: "Headstrong" (#16) (November 15, 2003)
Trapt - Headstrong
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I'm getting seasiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick!!!! Excuse me while I head to the toilet.
Whew, that's better. Um, you might not want to go in there for a little bit...
Why are they playing in the middle of a tornado? Is that a metaphor about the tornado of life, symbolized by the yelling father and boss?
Or am I talking out of my ass?
Hey, stop looking at my ass!
A song about rebellion. Yeah, like that hasn't been done before. And all of those battered youth slowly making their way to a Trapt concert? Do I see a cult following coming on?
God, I'm desperate.
4) Fountains of Wayne: "Stacy's Mom" (#21) (November 15, 2003)
Ah, fond memories....
Um, not of me. No sir! I would never lust after a friend's mom! Ahem...
That being said, I'm sure the actress is of age and everything, but am I the only one feeling a bit icky about the subject matter of this song, and the obvious intent to make the viewer lust after not only Stacy's Mom, but Stacy herself? Somehow, I don't think she's supposed to be 18 in this song.
All of that being said, I understand why they did it. It's to show how Stacy likes him and is trying to attract him, and all he wants is her mom. If she was dressed all frumpy and everything, that wouldn't be the case.
And there's the obligatory soda-overflow metaphor. Why didn't they just have a rocket going off and be done with it?
Overall, this is kind of a fun song and video, and I think every teen-age boy has had a fantasy just like it.
Except me. Because I am innocent.
And I also have cheeks you just want to pinch.
5) Pat Green: "Wave on Wave" (#39) (November 29, 2003)
And another artist peeks into the Top 40 and says "nah, not for me" and runs away.
All right, I know. It's another country artist who happened to have one song slip into the Top 40. I still have to wonder about that. What makes one song from these talented (*ahem*) artists pop up in the Top 40, but none of their other Country hits do?
Do we smell?
Does he? Maybe he doesn't want to inflict himself on the rest of us.
The mind boggles.
Almost as much as realizing that aliens are among us! And they're infiltrating our families!
You'd think they'd find better food, though.
6) Stacie Orrico: "(There's Gotta Be) More to Life" (#30) (December 13, 2003)
Good lord, who did her make-up? And if that's a choice, well...
I guess she's "expressing herself."
Ok, that looks better. She must have been listening to me.
Somebody should kill that kid. I'm just saying...
Seriously, though, this song has a great message, and it's effectively portrayed in the video (ok, the sky-diving off the building in suits was a bit weird, but otherwise...). Temporary highs are great, but without a little stability in your life, you're just drifting along aimlessly.
Then again, the same could be said for this guy...
and he's a hero. So what do I know?
7) Liz Phair: "Why Can't I?" (#32) (December 20, 2003)
Liz is an artist that doesn't totally belong on here. She's had 3 hits on the "Adult Top 40" charts (what, are there "Kid Top 40" charts too?), but this is the only song that made the vanilla Billboard Top 40 list.
If I didn't know better, I would think that this whole Billboard thing is really messed up. But I'm sure they know what they're doing. They wouldn't get themselves into any weird situations, right?
Ok, other than the semi-annual Christmas party.
And there you have it! We're finally done with 2003. It seemed like it really dragged on, didn't it? It almost felt like a whole year passed or something.
The music really has to get better, doesn't it? Can it be that the music of the 2000s generally sucked? Or blew? Or both?
Nah, that can't be it. We're just going through a dry patch.
Hey, that camel just tried to kiss me!!!!
Next week, we start with 2004. And I have high hopes! We shall obtain our goal of good music! I can see it.
No. Wait. That's just a mirage, like what you see in the desert. Or like Kim Kardashian's talent.
But we shall carry on anyway!
But first, it's time to start my day.
Why yes, they do teach you that in school, Alex. Maybe not in *your* day...
One Hit Wonders of the 2000s