In these harsh times, we here at One Hit Wonders Inc would like you to read our lips and know that we feel your pain, and also that we've got a strategery to win the future.
One bad song at a time.
Yes, we have a plan to help you out. I've sent our interns out on a quest for a few items.
They searched far and wide, and finally found what I was looking for.
Of course, that took them a week to find. I'm not sure where they unearthed it, actually.
Anyway, with that in hand, I can finally start paying my employees! And, subsequently, help the rest of you out as well.
What do you think of my first batch?
I think I need to even out the greens.
Besides, I think I'm going to have to stop before I can even get started, because I think the interns are using the machine for nefarious purposes.
And we can't have that!
So back to the songs. Welcome to week 19 in the weekly series you all love and dread, the countdown of the one-hit wonders of the 2000s.
We're entering 2006, and I'm seriously starting to fear these every week. Will we have more rap crap? Or just regular crap? Or how about some crappy crap? We're all things bowel movements to all people.
As usual, you can find the list I'm taking these from here.
And don't worry about checking things ahead of time. I've run over my picture budget for this week. SOMEBODY made tons of copies of Justin Bieber pictures and charged them to my account.
Is there no age-limit to his fanbase?
Here we go!
(Warning: Dailymotion videos are loading slow for me today. If it doesn't show up for a bit, just be patient. It will. Then again, you might decide it's not worth it anyway)
1) D4L: "Laffy Taffy" (#1) (January 14, 2006)
D4L - Laffy Taffy [Video] by WBRNewMedia
(Embedding disabled? Sheesh!)
Yay! Let's start out the year with a #1 hit that's rap! And really, really crappy rap too. The beat, which in rap can sometimes be infectious even when the song itself isn't, is annoying more than anything else.
This is me after listening to this song (see what I do for you?)
Or...that could be from the 10 margaritas I had last night.
What? They were on special!
2) Ashley Tisdale & Lucas Grabeel: "What I've Been Looking For" (#35) (February 11, 2006)
(This live version is the only one I can embed. Sorry!)
Ah, yes. High School Musical. The movie that spawned multiple sequels, all of them full of teeny-bopper love.
I hate to say it, but this is really bad. Really, really bad.
What? Patricia, why are you knocking on my door? Can't you see I'm writing here? Go back to your desk and get back to work! Look out the window? Why?
Ummmm...ok, I'll be back later to finish up. Talk amongst yourselves.
3) James Blunt: "You're Beautiful" (#1) (March 11, 2006)
(sorry for the subtitles, but it's literally the only version I could find)
This song was a #1 hit for Blunt, and it was endlessly mocked (both the song and the video). The song has a nice sentiment, but the guy can't sing and I swear I'm getting sugar sickies from listening to it (when I don't feel like blowing my eardrums out so I don't have to hear his voice).
He's had a lot of international success, but this is the only time he cracked the Top 40 in the States (thank God).
I've almost broken my finger moving so fast to change the radio channel when this song has come on. In fact, this is a picture of my hands during the first part of 2006.
Scary, isn't it?
4) Matisyahu: "King Without a Crown" (#28) (March 25, 2006)
A Hasidic Jewish reggae singer? Ummmmm, ok? I guess that's a niche that needed filling!
It's helpful that the video provides the lyrics, because there's no way I'm going to be able to follow them. Can he sing any faster?
Like most reggae songs, the beat in this song is really awesome. And Matisyahu actually does a pretty job with everything else too. I do feel like I've had a bit too much LSD watching the video though. I feel like I'm tripping, man.
The song's got a nice religious message, too. I think I'm going to convert. I just don't know if I'm going to become Jewish or Rastafarian.
I'm so conflicted!!!!!
This is the best song so far this year.
Of course, that's not saying much.
5) Daniel Powter: "Bad Day" (#1) (April 8, 2006)
Daniel Powter - Bad Day by WBRNewMedia
Even if you've never heard this song on the radio, I'm sure you've heard it in commercials (unless you've got a quick "mute" button finger like I do). Powter is from British Columbia, so I'll take it easy on him.
Actually, I won't have to. For once, we have a #1 song that's actually not too bad.
Of course, the video has a sense of inevitability with these two lovebirds. But that's ok! Every song needs a happy ending!
For once this week, I don't feel like throwing up.
Well, at least not from the music anyway.
6) Ashley Parker Angel: "Let U Go" (#12) (May 6, 2006)
Finally, a little Rock and Roll!!!! Something this list badly needed.
But did it have to be this bad?
Get out of your basement guys! And turn down the amps. You're shaking the camera.
Oh, I see. It's really a huge auditorium with lots of screaming fans.
I remember imagining this in my basement too, rocking to some cool song and imagining the women trying to get up on stage. It's good to see that I wasn't alone.
Too bad it wasn't real for either one of us.
I also had other nightmares as well.
I can no longer watch Winnie the Pooh without screaming.
And there you have it! Week 1 of 2006, and...well, let's call a spade a spade.
*sigh* I guess the interns are still scared of the heaving mobs of High School Musical fans.
Anyway, let's be honest.
That dress does make you look fat.
*And* this week sucked (two honest comments for the price of one!).
Let's hope next week is better! In fact, I know it will be.
Yeah, thanks for the warning. But it can't get any worse.
But now it's time to get my day started. I have serious plans.
But first, the wife is making me take out the garbage.
One Hit Wonders of the 2000s