One Hit Wonders of the 2000s (Part 21)

Spring is in the air! And so are the pigeons.

Yes, the bane of every urbanite's existence is starting to cloud our balcony

Some have suggested plastic owls to scare them away.

But I prefer something else plastic.

It would work like a charm, and she'd work cheap, I'm sure!

Though we'd probably have to hear her talk, so maybe we'll just go with the owls.

It's time for this week's one-hit wonders of the 2000s post! That idol of inanity, the prism of pointlessness, all with a jug of jocularity to wash it down. Just don't overdose on that last part (as if that's ever a problem here).

As usual, you can see the list that I'm taking these from here, but don't jump ahead of me.

Or some of my interns will "take care of you."

*sigh* That's *not* what I meant.

Here we go!

1) Taylor Hicks: "Do I Make You Proud" (#1) (July 1, 2006)



Another American Idol guy, which means there's no video for the song.

You know, they're just trying to make my life hard, aren't they?

So I guess they do any kind of presentation on Idol? Even involving backup singers? I didn't know that! Can they bring in laser lights, bad dancing, and weird costumes as well?

Yes! I want to see an 80s American Idol, where they all dress up like this.

You'd get one more viewer, guys. Let's do it!

Ok, you'd probably lose millions more, but you know that my desires are more important than that. So get with the program.

2) Paris Hilton: "Stars are Blind" (#18) (July 8, 2006)



Oh no! Another Paris Hilton sex tape's been leaked!

Oh, wait. It's just a music video. Never mind.

Even over-processed like this song is, the fact that Hilton can't sing still manages to sneak its way through. God, this is awful. Four excruciating minutes of not just listening to her "sing" but also watching her try and "act" (though I guess they made that easier for her by making her do things she's used to anyway).

This song reached #18? What is wrong with people in this country? Did their brains (and their musical tastes) take a vacation?

That's the only excuse I can think of.

I really want to sue her for my missing four minutes when I blacked out there.

3) LeToya: "Torn" (#31) (July 8, 2006)



(Yay, Vevo!)

LeToya tries to follow the path of her fellow Destiny's Child alumnus, Beyonce, but isn't quite as successful at it. Which is sad, because this song isn't too bad overall.

I really hate those hard decisions like what LeToya's talking about. I agonize with those decisions every day.

I mean, do I continue to run away from all the hot women who are after me, or should I occasionally let one catch me?

Of course, as soon as I do, I'll wake up.

4) Gnarls Barkley: "Crazy" (#2) (July 22, 2006)



(can't find an embeddable copy of the actual video)

I actually *really* like this song. With an awesome beat, a distinctive voice and pretty good lyrics too.

Not sure exactly what these guys are singing about, but what else is crazy?

Royal Wedding hoopla?

Trying to fit a square peg in a round hole?

Charlie...no, sorry, too easy.

5) Cassie: "Me & U" (#3) (July 22, 2006)



I'm sure this is *not* the intention of the video, but isn't admiring yourself in the mirror, then making out with yourself, a pretty good narcissism sign? You love yourself quite a lot, don't you?

Then again, you can't go wrong with a scantily-clad hot woman dancing in front of a mirror for your video. Two for the price of one! I think she needs to take this act out on the street, though. You know, actually talk to *the guy* she's singing about? It's all well and good that you can say it all to yourself in the mirror, but it won't do you any good that way.

Unless the mirror is the true intent of it all, and it's not about a guy in the first place.

Wow, that was deep.

Let's explore other aspects of being a woman.



I think Cassie may be able to help out there.

6) Panic! at the Disco: "I Write Sins, Not Tragedies" (#7) (August 26, 2006)



I am literally sitting here with my mouth open. I have never heard this song (though I have heard the music, as I'll show you later), and I can't say that I'm upset about that. Good lord! A song about closing the goddamn door! Oh, and the bride being, shall we say, less than virtuous, but that seems beside the point compared to all the other crazy stuff going on in this video.

Then again, at least for once the video fits the song.

They're both nuts (those with allergies stay far away).

I was first introduced to this music via Palette Swap Ninja (consisting of Activision's Dan Americh and a friend of his), who did a parody of this song about the Xbox video game console. It's called "Padding Your Gamerscore," and unfortunately I can't find an embeddable version. For the longest time, I was wondering what song was being parodied. I can now rest easy.

7) Young Dro: "Shoulder Lean" (#10) (August 26, 2006)



And what a way to end the week (I kept typing that "weak," and that would be appropriate too).

Ironically enough, doing a Youtube search for this song (the official video is "embedding disabled") came up with a few "erotic women" plugging their web site. Does that mean something?

I think it means it's time to wrap up! Before I go insane.

And there you have it! Week 3 of 2006. We're in the home stretch of the year, and with the exception of that horrible ending (and, of course, we'll always have Paris), it's actually not too bad! At least it wasn't enough to drive my readers away.

The bad jokes are more than enough for that. I don't need any help!

Now it's time to go get some fresh air.

And keep my eye on the ball.

And have some fun!



And after that, I fell into the ocean.



One Hit Wonders of the 2000s
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10
Part 11
Part 12
Part 13
Part 14
Part 15
Part 16
Part 17
Part 18
Part 19
Part 20
Part 21
Part 22
Part 23
Part 24
Part 25
Part 26
Part 27
Part 28
Part 29
Part 30
Part 31