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January 23, 2011

One Hit Wonders of the 2000s (Part 8)

Have you ever been outside, standing in the rain, getting drenched, and thought to yourself:

What am I doing here? Why is it raining? What was I supposed to pick up at the store? Why don't I have an umbrella? Did I leave it in the car? At my girlfriend's house? My other girlfriend's house? My wife's?

Or, the most important question:

How will I use these questions in my next one-hit wonders post?

Have you asked yourself those questions? If so, especially the last one, you'll be hearing from my lawyer.

Because those posts are *my* posts. Go make your own bad jokes about people disappearing into obscurity.

Or, people who *should*

Anyway, it's time for this week's edition of those same one-hit wonders! We're coming to the end of 2001, a really bad time for the country, but one that brought us together, at least temporarily (and for the most part). You'll see that reflected in at least a couple of the hits in today's post.

Today's post may not be as funny as usual, but I'll do my best!

As usual, you can find the list I'm taking these from here. But don't be looking ahead, or I'll have to hand you to my interns and let them have a go at you, like they did the last one to cross me, seen here.

Yes, I break a *few* child labour laws. What of it?

Here we go!

1) The Wiseguys: "Start the Commotion" (#31)(August 25, 2001)

Can I start a commotion about how bad "Start the Commotion" is? I think we should shout it from the rooftops. "This song sucks!!!! And it's giving me a migraine"

Or we could just have the king declare it as "bad and against the royal standards of taste" and just go all Anne Boleyn on them.

Then again, we may not have to. They already did that to their careers.

2) Afroman: "Because I Got High" (#13) (September 8, 2001)

Yay, Vevo!!!

A song about what smoking doobies can do to your life, kind of light-hearted (oh, that paraplegic humour! It kills to speak), and with Jay & Silent Bob along for the ride! The poster boys of stoners everywhere. Of course, it wouldn't be proper to have a video like this without an implied police beating!

And you were doing so well.

Then, there's fat jokes! Woo!!!!

That's what's called "covering all of the bases." Kind of like what Barry Bonds did often, except with a different kind of juice.

The song itself is kind of a nice illustration of how messed up your life can be if you devote it to the Mary-Jane, and if it takes being light-hearted lyrics to get kids to listen to the actual message of the song (listen to the words? What a concept!!!), then I guess more power to him. He's doing a good job.

But c'mon, man. Fat jokes? Could you at least *try*?

3) Cyndi Thomson: "What I Really Meant to Say" (#26) (September 22, 2001)

Yay, Vevo!!!

All right! We've hit Country...uh, country.

Get used to it.

This was a #1 Country hit that made a bit of a splash on the Billboard charts before disappearing back into obscurity (or the Country charts, same thing...I kid, I kid).

It's a pretty decent song, in that "it's a Country song, so there has to be some lamenting about love" kinda way. And kudos to Thomson for walking away from her career because she didn't feel up to it. She just simply didn't want to do it anymore. It would be nice if other artists did that, rather than keep putting out trash because you're addicted to the celebrity of it all.

C'mon, get out of the business. Make room for more deserving folk.

I've heard he plays a mean axe.

4) Lee Greenwood: "God Bless the USA" (#16) (September 29, 2001)

You mean this didn't hit #1? What's wrong with you, Joe Public?

This became a hit for obvious reasons, so I won't go into them. I will say that this song came out in 1984 and hit the Country charts. Is 17 years a record for a song between publishing and hitting the Billboard charts?

I think this is the original video, actually. You know how I can tell? No wrinkles! I mean on Greenwood. There are plenty on Grandma & Grandpa.

5) Alien Ant Farm: "Smooth Criminal" (#23) (November 10, 2001)

Yay, Vevo!!!

It's a rock remake of a Michael Jackson song! Why haven't we had more of these?

And it's made by silly-looking white guys.

Just like the original!!

(Too soon?)

I think they broke the Special FX budget with those shots of the guys leaning forward with falling.

Believe it or not, I can actually understand these guys better than Jackson! That's saying something. And I do love the nods to Jackson, like the lighted sidewalk (Billie Jean, I think), the monster (could have come out of Thriller) and others as well. How could I forget the monkey and the anti-germ mask on the kid!

Nice sense of humour guys!!

This is actually an awesome version of the song, and I hadn't heard it before. See? There is a reason I'm doing these other than to make bad jokes.

I don't know, though. There's something to be said for the ultra-violence of the Jackson version.

(Yes, I know it's from a short film that was part of Jackson's Moonwalker film. But I was still struck by the explosions and gunfire when I first saw the video in the early 90s)

6) Aaron Tippin: "Where the Stars & Stripes & The Eagles Fly" (#20) (December 29, 2001)

A song that celebrates America and the resilience with which it bounced back. It's a fitting end to 2001. I love the way that it not only celebrates those who work hard every day, and especially on that fateful day (firemen, policemen, etc), but also shows images of the diversity that the country has, all with a common goal: to celebrate the American dream.

Maybe it's just me, but it seems that most of the patriotism in the music business comes from the Country charts. I'm speaking of those who wear the flag and their feelings on their sleeves, not meaning to slam the actual thinking (or lack thereof) of any other artists.

Of course, even the Country scene isn't uniform in that way.

But it seems more so than most.

Anyway, on that note, we'll end 2001 and slink on in to 2002 next week. It seems 2001 wasn't really the year for one-hit wonders, with the fewest I've seen in a long while. But what it lacked in volume, it made up for in pure crappiness! Whew! It was a bad year, in more ways than one.

Let's hope 2002 gives us a little more hope, though. (Looking ahead, I don't see that happening, though...and it's shorter than this one!)

So let's ring out the old and ring in the new for the year, with Father Time and his wayward son.

Though they really shouldn't be drinking on the job. May have to report them to the Government.

It's time to start my day.

I'll bet you didn't know I was a ventriloquist too.

One Hit Wonders of the 2000s
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10
Part 11
Part 12
Part 13
Part 14
Part 15
Part 16
Part 17
Part 18
Part 19
Part 20
Part 21
Part 22
Part 23
Part 24
Part 25
Part 26
Part 27
Part 28
Part 29
Part 30
Part 31


  1. Haven’t laughed this much in a while. Nor have I heard this many crappy songs hooked together like a train. Not ever. But I’ve got a feeling I’m about to hear some more:)

    Who on earth is that KING!!! The one we should petition to declare these songs as “bad and against the royal standards of taste?”

  2. Hi Debra! Wow, I love the number of new readers I'm getting the last couple of days. I hope you stick around!

    I'm glad these made you laugh. My regular one-hit wonder commenters, I know what their sense of humour's like. So it's nice to find somebody *else* who finds these funny. :)

    As for the king, I have no idea. I just found that picture and it looked appropriate. I actually had another one with a kid dressed as a king and some kind of castle play set, but it disappeared. I was heartbroken.

    Thanks once again! I hope you come by at least once a week to check out the new episode. :)

  3. I remember #1. I love Cyndi Thomson, even though I think she just had that one album. I think she walked away because she got married & wanted to start a family & focus on that. Also remember #4 & 5.


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