You know what's the most difficult thing about these weekly one-hit wonders posts?
Coming up with a beginning. A lot of times, the page just sits here, empty, for hours at a time while I rack my brain for something outrageously funny to entertain my legions of fans.
Ok, maybe "legions" is too strong of a word. Perhaps "couple" would be better?
Anyway, the meetings here at One-Hit Wonders Inc, where we try to hash out just how these posts start, usually start out pretty calm and productive.
But then one intern comes up with an idea another intern hates, and, well, it's not pretty.
There's a reason we have ten people on our office medical staff.
Maybe I should start providing them benefits too!
Nah, they're just interns.
Anyway, it's Week 16 in the One-Hit Wonders of the 2000s! We enter into 2005 now, hopefully with a lot more quality than we had in 2004. Can it get much worse?
Yeah, I suppose it could get worse.
Three short weeks for this year, since there are eighteen songs. That's three posts of six each.
As usual, you can find the list I'm taking these from here. Don't jump ahead of me, or this might get you.
Whoops! Sorry. That's me before my monthly spa appointment.
I meant this.
Here we go!
1)Josh Gracin: "Nothin' to Lose" (#39) (March 19, 2005)
Yet another Country invasion! Man the ramparts! At least no dogs died in this song. That's always a good thing. Did his girlfriend leave him? Let's see.
I really hate it when they sing so fast that I can't sing along, even if I did know the words. Barenaked Ladies, I'm looking at you too.
How do they do that? Do they do lots of mouth and speaking exercises that make the mouth extra-limber? Do we really want to know what those might be?
So let me get this straight. It didn't matter what the note said. Just that he wrote it is good enough for her? What if it was a laundry list?
Now *that's* a basis for a marriage!! Or a rather dumb video.
I do remember that my notes to girls in high school were always better if they were covered in mashed potato, though.
The gravy helped hide any other stains that might be on there.
2) Trillville (featuring Cutty): "Some Cut" (#14) (March 26, 2005)
Yay! Another rap.
There's a word for what I'm feeling right now.
I'm trying to think of it, but it's just not coming to me. Let me spend a few lines of this blog thinking about it. Talk amongst yourselves...
Yes, I have regressed into childhood.
And changed genders!
That takes talent, you know.
3) Joss Stone: "Cry Baby/Piece of My Heart" (#32) (April 2, 2005)
It's kind of sad that this is Stone's only appearance in the basic Top 40, as she's a great soul singer.
This also ushers in the world of the digital download hit, as I believe this is the first hit (or at least the first one-hit wonder) that was *only* released digitally, after the Grammy performance where this video comes from. This was never released as a physical single.
Since there's no video to make fun of, and I like Etheridge as well as Stone, I'll leave this one for you to enjoy.
4) Brooke Valentine (featuring Big Boi): "Girlfight" (#23) (June 4, 2005)
Why am I reminded of those Ops Center novels that have Tom Clancy's name in big bold letters, and then under the title it says "oh yeah, written by Michael Smith" or something?
It's like Big Boi is guiding Valentine into the music business, making her a hit.
I see that worked out well, didn't it?
Maybe Big Boi just isn't that good of a mentor? I know I learned everything I know about managing from guys like him.
I can only think of a couple of reasons that this video is even popular at all.
You want a girlfight? Now *this* is a girlfight.
Same T&A, but a lot more talent.
Though even I can't explain the pig-man.
5) System of a Down: "B.Y.O.B" (#27) (June 4, 2005)
I was just about to say "Yay! No rap!!!!" But then the song started.
"You feed us lies from the tablecloth?" (Yes, I translate, so you don't have to) What the hell does that even mean?
As with much heavy metal, this is an anti-establishment song, assuming you can even hear what they're saying. With lines like "Why don't presidents fight the war" and "Why do we always send the poor", and given it's 2005, it's obviously an anti-Iraq War song as well. Oh, and "Dancing in the desert blowing up the sunshine" just kind of confirms that. (Ok, the Wikipedia entry for the band says this is a song questioning military recruitment strategies, which I suppose I can see too).
That this song even made it into the Top 40 indicates the general mood of the populace in 2005, I think. How else to explain the willingness to put up with exploded eardrums just to make your opinion known?
You do realize that there are a lot better, and more importantly, quieter, anti-war songs to feed your palette, don't you?
The band actually had a lot of success on the "Mainstream Rock" chart, but since this is the only song on the regular Top 40, they are, officially, a "one-hit wonder."
Why couldn't they have had another hit? Just so I didn't have to listen to them?
6) Howie Day: "Collide" (#20) (June 18, 2005)
You know, I listened to this whole song without typing anything. Was I enthralled by it? Not really, though it is a good song.
But it was just a refreshing change from all the shit that's been on here this week. It was nice to just hear a simple guitar! No pounding vocals, no headache-inducing "music," nothing that made me want to wring Wilfrid Brimley's neck.
Though I've *really* got to get a mustache like that. Only, you know, less grey.
This is just a very pretty song. It gives me visions...visions....visions I can't get out of my mind.
It's just...peaceful, you know?
Then the dark thoughts come back.
And it almost becomes unbearable again.
So there you have it! Week 1 of 2005. At this rate, by the end of the decade, this is going to be me.
But we'll see what happens!
Don't worry, though. Easter is almost here, and the office Easter Party is always a pick-me-up.
That should get me through until...well, May, anyway.
It's time to start my Sunday, though.
French SWAT Team Fail - Watch more Funny Videos
I swear they moved that window on me.
One Hit Wonders of the 2000s