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December 19, 2010

One Hit Wonders of the 2000s (Part 4)

This week's edition is coming to you from snowy Iowa! Yes, I decided to trade in the rain and gloom of Vancouver for the snowy whiteness of Davenport, going from getting drenched to freezing my ass off! There's a trade-off, I tell you.

You wanna know a secret, though? Despite what everybody thinks, I'm not really here to see family and friends.

No, I was sent here on a super-secret classified mission that I'm going to reveal to all of you (which is safe, since nobody actually reads this thing anyway).

What's the nature of this classified mission? To root out and destroy a cell of no-good people who are threatening to terrorize the populace.

Yes, that's right. What are they threatening to terroize the populace with?

Loud suits.

Yes, exactly. They intend to blind the populace and teach our children to wear horrible clothing! As time goes on and our kids grow up, if we don't do our job of parenting them, they'll learn to dress like this!!!

Who's their ringleader? I think you know the answer...

He's not just a hockey guy anymore.

Anyway, while I'm here, I thought I'd keep current on the one-hit wonders list! Because I know there will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth if I don't (though since nobody reads this, I'm not really sure from whom).

As usual, you can find the list here. But don't check before I'm done and get ahead of me.

I don't want to look at your ass.

Here we go!

1) Billy Gilman: "One Voice" (#38) (September 2, 2000)

Yay, Vevo!!!!

I know that if a kid started singing on the bus, I would get pretty pissed off! Especially with a voice like that.

The kid threw a pistol into the river? And that's a sign that things are getting better? And you know this how, Billy? How do you know he wasn't tossing away evidence? I've watched CSI, you know. (I hope you haven't, as you're much too young for it).

The song's got a nice sentiment to it, but it does seem a little bit trite.

Not to mention, that's got to be the longest bus ride to school that I've ever seen.

2) Soul Decision (Featuring Thrust): "Faded" (#22) (September 9, 2000)

Wow, what smug assholes these guys look like! And the song? He's thinking about making his move tonight, eh? "Can't pretend that you're only my friend when you're holding my body tight."

Well, I guess he's right there. I guess there's always "friends with benefits," but I don't think that's what he's talking about here.

But really. I hate that cocky grin, the little hand gestures (I guess he got tired of doing the other hand gestures, which is why he's making his move), and everything else about this band.

Yet, oddly, the song is actually kind of cool, and I remember liking it back in the day.

And it's my birthday song (or at least peaked on my birthday).

Soooooo, yay, me? I guess?

3) Aaron Carter: "Aaron's Party (Come Get It)" (#35) (September 16, 2000)

Yay, Vevo!!!!

I am seriously getting teeny-bopper overload syndrome, that malady that makes you start to shiver and shake, and then makes you want to ban all people under 18 from ever being in your presence.

A white, teenage rapper? God, why have you forsaken me?????

I'm serious. This is driving me batshit crazy. This was really popular?

I am flabbergasted.

It doesn't help that he's a Backstreet Boy brother.


4) Everclear: "Wonderful" (#11) (September 22, 2000)

Yay, Vevo!!!!

Wow, family and society disfunction seem to be the rule this week. Of course, if I had that hairstyle, I'd cry too.

Hey, did you know that Everclear is the curer of all ills? Having a bad day? A bad life? Get them to come play at your school, and it will be all smiles again!

Or maybe they're laughing at the guy and not with him.

I think that would be me.

5) Baha Men: "Who Let the Dogs Out" (#40) (October 21, 2000)

And to think: we were *this* close to not having to even think about this monstrosity. But because *one* song couldn't keep it out of the top 40 (probably something by Nick Carter), I am forced to include this song in today's list.


This song was annoying before every sports franchise and other venues started using it, grinding it into the ground like something that's ground into the ground, until it was just a smear on the pavement.

After that happened, the suicide rate skyrocketed.

I wonder if they're sick of the song too? It was their only "hit," so I have to think that, if they're still around, they have to be tired of performing it.

Or maybe they're certifiably insane and they actually enjoy it?

We've got something for people like that.

And they come in all sizes.

6) Profyle: "Liar" (#14) (October 28, 2000)

Yay, Vevo!!!!

Anybody else expect this song to be titled "lyar?"

Wow, the amount of infidelity in these songs the last couple of weeks is just whacked, isn't it? These women are really getting around! I'm surprised the pregnancy rate didn't jump up in 2000 as well.

Of course, it didn't take this guy long to find somebody new either. Makes me wonder whether his complaining is just a little bit too overdone, eh? I mean, between the trip from the airport to when she arrives at their house, there's already somebody else there?

Methinks you doth protest too much!

Or something like that.

Sorry for the bad Shakespeare impression. I'm practicing for my new gig:

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

And they couldn't get Kenneth Branagh.

7) Samantha Mumba: "Gotta Tell You" (#4) (December 9, 2000)

Samantha Mumba - Gotta Tell You
Uploaded by UniversalMusicGroup. - See the latest featured music videos.

So this is 3 under-18s in 7 songs this week? Yikes!!!!

I've lost my main avenue for humour this week.

I have to say, this video makes even less sense than they normally do. Evidently, Samantha has super-powers that lets her jump and dance and run to catch a plane. Was the party really that bad?

I've been to bad parties, and I have to tell you. That didn't look like a bad party.

Then again, this looks like a good party to me.

So what do I know?

And there you have it! We have now reached the end of 2000. One bad year down, 9 more bad years to go!

I'm on the hunt for good videos.

But sadly, I'm not as successful as this guy.

Ok, at least bad videos won't *kill* me.

But sometimes, they feel that way.

Come join me next week, when we creep into 2001! A year I'm going to have to treat very delicately.

But I shall perservere.

After I get back from my day job.

Hey, those streets are *clean*!!!!!

One Hit Wonders of the 2000s
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10
Part 11
Part 12
Part 13
Part 14
Part 15
Part 16
Part 17
Part 18
Part 19
Part 20
Part 21
Part 22
Part 23
Part 24
Part 25
Part 26
Part 27
Part 28
Part 29
Part 30
Part 31


  1. 1) Billy Gilman: "One Voice".. This kid was better looking as a kid. Sorry, but it's true. And that voice even today makes my ears bleed. I don't know how he even got his foot in to the recording studio's doors.

    I loooooooove that cat pic of "Dood ur shitting me right?"!!!

    That other pic of the baby though?? SKEERY to say the least. That's just all kinds of f'd up lol. (Sorry Mama Roy, but I call it as I see it lol)..Forgive me, please for the 'f'd up' part. PUHLEEEZ???

    Hey, Dave? Who let the dogs out, man?? Sorry. I just had to ask.

    As for the straight-jacket, know of a place that carries them in kid size, wholesale price? I could really use one., not for the kids. For me.

    I get Domino's to deliver to my home ALL of the time. Let me tell ya, I better not have some jacked up delivery like that to my door. They would be hearing from me fo sho!! Sick!!!

    By the way, we get that pizza delivered so much (no more than 2 times a month for Family Night), as soon as I say I need a home delivery, they say is this address (bleeeeeeeep). Yeah, that's service, baby!

  2. Wow! I love long comments! :)

    Yeah, that One Voice kid I remember as being truly annoying when the song would come on MuchMoreMusic at night when we were watching videos. Ugh.

    Glad you like the cat pic! I try not to overuse them, because they're kind of cheap and easy. But I kept finding ones that totally fit the joke I wanted to make, so I couldn't help it!

    I may have to kill you for asking me about the dogs. For plausible deniability reasons only, of course.

    Thanks for making my day! Even if it took me a day to respond. :)

  3. I unfortunately remember the Aaron Carter song & the Baha Men one. The only good song is Everclear hands down! I used to listen to them a lot growing up...not a huge fan of their newer stuff though.

  4. Sadly, I too remember those songs.

    And no amount of brain bleach has been able to wipe away the horrifying images.


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